Long Term Care and Repression        

The second article in a series written by LTC Tree Advisor, Joe Houston, M.Ed., LPC, CRC 

Many psychologists, counselors and psychiatrists consider repression to be the most basic defense mechanism.  I personally believe that this is not true—that whatever means we use to defend our self esteem is contingent on our genetics, experiences, social position, economic situation, etc.  So, what type of person would tend to use repression?  I haven’t the slightest idea, but, based on my experience, we all use it to some extent.  The defense mechanism is clearly evident when it comes to a person planning for long term care as they age.  Most choose to repress this risk and not deal with reality by thinking long term care may happen to their neighbor, but not them.   

But, before going further we need to define repression, but that is no easy task.  First, understand that repression occurs in the subconscious mind –that part of the mind of which we are not aware at any given moment, but which we know exists because we are always retrieving manifestations from it when the need arises.  Therefore, repression is that mental/emotional process whereby we exclude from our conscious thinking any thoughts and feelings that threaten the self image we have of ourselves. It serves to protect and preserve the image we have of ourselves. This process usually starts in childhood in reaction to the experiences of what the child would classify as traumatic events.  These repressed memories do not come to the surface easily in our later lives, most frequently manifesting themselves in dreams, anger outbursts, psychotherapy sessions, repeated patterns of behavior, etc. The main point of all this is that these repressions underlie—and are the cause—of much of our current, everyday behavior, some of which is functional and some not.     

Perhaps a more modern explanation will help.  Consider that new home computer you’re about to set up.  When you first bought it—and before it was programmed with the latest Windows operating system—it was like a new born baby: full of potential, with all its RAM capability, but unable to do much of anything until properly programmed and set up.  However, once this was done it operated well, and would continue to do so until the day it had a “bad experience”—someone sent you an e-mail virus!  Initially you probably wouldn’t know the virus was in there, but suddenly your computer no longer functioned properly.  That virus in the computer is very similar to a repressed memory in your brain: you’re not aware of its existence, but it sure is influencing your everyday behavior.  Kind of like those sub-conscious resistances we experience when we resist looking at the need for long term care insurance. 

Now, a real life example.  Suppose as a child you were continually made to feel guilty—and were punished—for defying your parents.  Most children, over time, “shove” those guilt feelings and thoughts into their sub-conscious—rarely to arise again—because guilt is not a comfortable feeling.  Thus one might tend to adopt a subservient attitude towards their parents and “give in” in this area, and become a quiet, compliant child, so as not to experience any anger-guilt feelings towards the most important people in the child’s universe.  And as the child matured, this process would likely generalize and the child would become compliant to all authority figures.  The child would not remember why he was so obedient to authority figures—and might wonder why everyone wasn’t that way.  Meanwhile his society would simple love such a compliant, obedient person and would reward him for being that way—thus reinforcing the repression!  Does this suggest the American school system?  But, as Jerry Seinfeld would say, “Compliance is not all bad!”           

So, we can see that this type of repression does have its positive points.  But at some point in his life there might arise a situation where he needed to defy some authority, and he would find it very anxiety provoking to do so.  In fact, the anxiety could well be so severe that he wouldn’t be able to do it.  In this situation the repression is dysfunctional.  The personality trait become ingrained in a person and for some things this form of denial is harmless, but when used to avoid planning for things like financial planning and long term care it can have tragic consequences. 

Another example.  I once had a client that came from a family where everyone believed that doctors were good only for delivering babies and fixing severe accidental injuries.  They did not trust physicians for any kind of “hidden” illnesses—especially those of mental disorders.  In fact they didn’t even believe in mental illness!  These attitudes were drilled into them at an early age—not by brain-washing, but by subtle comments and practices over the years.  They believed that going to a doctor was a waste of money—all they did was prescribe expensive pills that weren’t any better than good old home remedies.  I call this the Beverly Hillbillies’ Granny syndrome.  As a result of these repressed attitudes, members of this family avoided doctors and appropriate medical care, and developed untreated diabetes, alcoholism, obesity, high blood pressure, heart problems and lots of anxiety about their position in the world. No long term care insurance in this family, though they could well afford it.  Many died before their time, wound up in Medicaid-financed nursing homes, or drained their family’s energies and resources because of the high cost of received long term care.  

Generally, a person can repress any part of the personality, whether it’s good or bad.  For example we all generally repress socially inappropriate sexual urges or anger, which is good, because it keeps us out of jail.  But even when repression is used for the good, there’s a price to be paid.  Anytime we repress something, it takes psychological energy to do so, and this is mental energy that would be better put to use accomplishing more positive goals.  And it takes energy to keep it repressed.  I liken it to the analogy of a gas tank in a car.  All gas tanks have a limited size; you can only put in so much gas, which will take you only so far.  Now imagine your “emotional/psychic” energy gas tank.  Every person has a certain sized tank, and when we repress things it uses up some of our “gas,” which leaves us less energy for other activities.  Most people have a pretty large tank and can handle most of what life throws at us.  However, when we have used up too much “gas” due to repression and other defense mechanisms, when the tank gets empty, the energy to control the repressed thoughts and feelings  is now depleted, and those long repressed issues may boil out and threaten the person with feelings and impulses he didn’t know existed.  These feelings can lead to acts of violence at worse, or social embarrassments at best.          

So, what is one to do about repression?  First, try to become reality-oriented about your thoughts and feelings—especially the negative ones.  Next, evaluate if they are really negative—or were they myths that were passed on down to you from past generations.  Maybe they were appropriate in their day, but no longer seem to apply.  Two issues that have changed drastically in recent years have to do with sexual customs, and how we treat authority figures.  Much of the current problems in America arise from turmoil in these two areas.  When the birth control pill was developed, many knew it was going to change our world—and it has.  Modern technology and communication has shown us how irrational and untrustworthy many of our authority figures are.  To cope with these and other issues, try to become more assertive as you manage the important issues in your life.  In general, don’t act non-assertively or aggressively any more than is absolutely necessary.  In my experience, socially appropriate, assertive people are the mentally healthiest people walking the planet.  When it comes to planning for long term care in advance of needing it these types of people are the wealthiest on the planet!  If you'd like to plan for potentially needing long term care with long term care insurance please take a moment and fill in the quote wizard just below this article.  Thanks for reading this weeks blog, we really appreciate it.